The Questionnaire
“What was it that you first noticed about them? What made you fall in love with them?”
They’d both looked at the questionnaire with a stunned look on their faces, both taken aback by the brazen way of questioning and even more so since it was only the third question, only having their name and marital status as a precursor. They were meant to fill these in by themselves so after taking things through, they went to their separate rooms, penning down their answers.
“It must’ve been her smile. Somehow it would light up the entirety of the room and the first time I witnessed it, I felt my heart expand. Suddenly, everything looked livelier, so much more beautiful. But nothing compared to that smile.”
With a soft blush on his cheeks, he finished the sentence on the dotted line. It felt awkward, talking about his girlfriend in such a manner but he figured it was also a good reminder of all the good things they shared. Perhaps the questionnaire hadn’t been such a bad idea after all?
“His beautiful eyes and strong jawline. He hadn’t noticed me yet but I’d seen him enter the party and his gaze was so gentle yet sincere. Once he noticed me I couldn’t help but smile the brightest smile I’d ever had on my face. I simply hoped the lighting would camouflage my cheeks burning red like tomatoes.”
She knew that her friend did not expect them to offer participating in her thesis but she figured it would make her happy… And she was kind of curious. You weren’t supposed to read your partner’s answers but inside she was dying, wanting to know how he felt about her. He wasn’t the most talkative, rather the strong, silent type, so this could be a good way for their relationship to bloom.
“When did you know that you had feelings for them?”
She took a moment to read the question several times. It wasn’t easy, pin-pointing the moment she really made up her mind to let herself fall in love with him. Due to many bad relationships and people who had hurt her in the past, the main obstacle was allowing herself to feel anything for anyone. Most of the time someone came along who she developed a crush on and she’d deny her feelings to protect herself. But him? He was just so… Gentle and caring. He took her hand in his and gently kissed her scars, allowing her to take her time, to go by her own pace. It was then and there she broke down in tears and finally let her heart sing out what it had been screaming for a while already.
“After several months of him being tender, kind and patient with me, I could finally allow myself to take down my walls and truly fall for him.”
“When I was late for dinner at her place and instead of scolding me for being late, she just hugged me and thanked me for coming. It was then that I realized that she was the person I wanted to spend my life with.”
He could remember the scene vividly. As a first-aid responder, he often worked irregular hours and could be called in the middle of the night. That day he had just lost a kid who had drowned several hours beforehand and he had completely forgotten about dinner. Being broken and completely lost by the loss, he came home, thinking she’d just get angry but she just figured it out and instead of lecturing him, she understood without him having to say a word. It was the first time that he cried in front of her and she just hugged him, letting him cry on her shoulder.
“What do you dislike about your partner?”
A long pause ensued before her pen hit the paper again. She’s always been someone who wished to communicate about feelings, issues and opinions. She was raised in a household where the main motto was “Speak your mind, in a respectful way” and she’d always held up to that creed. He on the other hand preferred to avoid conflict. Sometimes he shut down and retreated instead of entering the discussion and talking about the things that bother him. This could blow up and she’d have to let him vent at the most inopportune of times.
“I wish he sometimes could be a bit more vocal and communicative about the things that are on his mind. Most of the time, I have to drag things out of him or ask multiple times before he’ll even give me the slightest piece of information. It’s hard to keep being talkative myself when it feels like it’s always only coming from my side.”
He’d always thought that once you find the person you belong with, everything will smooth itself out. The small things that you dislike become things you adore about them and you stop noticing them. It didn’t take him long to figure this out after being in a committed relationship for a longer time. His parents’ marriage had always seemed so perfect and natural to him. Never had he even thought a relationship could be this hard to maintain.
“I know I’m not too talkative and that she wants me to talk more about how I feel but she can somewhat be inconsiderate about my situation. If I’m dealing with something, I wish to deal with it myself or at least try handling it myself first. I need time to put things in order before I talk about it. I think before I speak, I don’t know immediately what it is I feel or what I want to say. She seems to always know exactly what’s on her mind but I need time. Sometimes it’s like she lacks the empathy to understand this and she pressures me into talking when I don’t even understand things myself.”
It was a tough pill to swallow, to realize. Such a simple question made him reconsider anything.
It was so tiresome for her and one simple question seemed to shake the foundations of her world.
“Was this relationship really going to last?”
Both of them needed a moment to think after that, but the next question on the next page seemed to make things easier.
“Write down some of the things that you love about your partner.”
He’d spend many a day trying to figure out what it was about her that made her seem so perfect. Of course, he knew what he generally liked about her but never did he spend this much time focusing on what it was that he loved so much about her. It helped him realise what she represented in his life, what she meant to him.
“When I am down, she’s the first to support me in any way that I need. She will know what I mean when I can’t find the words. She will do what I think when I can’t find the courage. When life kicks me down, she’s the energy and love that gets me back up again. Life without her was interesting, but she just turns it into an adventure, and waking up next to her every day makes me feel less anxious about getting up the next morning.”
In the past, she’d made a list on why she would commit to him or not. Always being the orderly one, wishing to put things in brackets and neatly create structure, she had created two columns with the positives and negatives. In the end, it seemed that the positives always outweighed the negatives but looking back at that list now, it seemed so childish and insignificant. She didn’t need a list to know why she loved him, she knew exactly what it was.
“He might not have the words, but what he lacks in talking, he makes up for in actions. After my mother died, I was a mess and he was the one who got me out of that dark pit. He’d take my dad out for a drink every week and create some social life for him again when my siblings had their own issues. He’d come home early every day with flowers and would just watch tv with me in a blanket hugging me. When I woke up at night crying, he’d lie beside me, holding me and gently petting me till I fell back to sleep. He is my silent power which will always make me feel at home. I love him because I love him.
The both of them sat there in their separate rooms, emotional by their trips down memory lane. They lived busy lives and found little time to sit down and take a moment to put things into perspective. Some things had just become part of their lives and were categorized as good or bad but by questioning them, going over them again made them realize how miniscule and insignificant some of those worries were and how lucky they were with one another. The next question was the last one and it took them half a heartbeat to know what to answer.
“Even though you might have these difficulties or dislikes, are you confident that you’ll stay together?”
She smirked.
He smiled.
“Yes, definitely.”
